I’m Not Dead Yet

Looking out the window, I can see the ocean and palm trees reflected on a sliding glass door, right across the parking lot. And there are waves crashing on the shore; I can see this and more. The sound of machinery in the distance; the fan spinning overhead; the low rumble of the wall’s air conditioning unit. I drink water from a red plastic cup I keep by the bed. I listen to a song by an artist I could never get enough of, and think about how nice it would be to see him perform. He calls it paradise and when he says it, I can’t really disagree.

There’s an hour and a half until I go back in to work. The drive over the causeway, breezing past the cruise ships and mansions, the bridges that keep us from coexisting. But it’s a goddamn beautiful drive, crisp air and bright blue waters.

And after that, i’ll be here again. Every morning, a smile on my face, and every night the same. I’m not sure from which direction any of this came. But it sure is nice…

Most of it is impossible to explain. I’ve learned to accept that. Sometimes I fear that i’ll allow myself to be consumed with a job and a relationship – two extremely time consuming activities. But there is just so much work that needs to be done.

I was supposed to leave on the 26th. I never know how to feel about this, except that it’s irrelevant. I’m happy with my life right now. I’ve never been in a better place than this.

Still, I can’t forget the work.

I’m not dead yet.

 

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