Today, I woke up missing someone. It’s not something that’s easy for me to admit, but it’s true, and I gotta say, it absolutely sucks. There is nothing nice about missing someone. Whether it’s your best friend, a pet, a significant other, a relative, the greatest conversationalist you’ve ever waxed poetic with, or just some of the best sex of your life (hah! just…), it’s not a pleasant experience. You’ll know you miss this individual (human or otherwise) once you begin experiencing the following symptoms:
– Sudden loss or gain in appetite. This would depend on whether or not you’re a stress eater.
– Lethargy. You might not feel like doing anything but moping and thinking about said MIA individual.
– A feeling like you’ve been punched in the stomach. It’s there. Like an anvil resting uncomfortably atop your torso as you lie on your back wondering how exactly an anvil appeared in the first place. Confusing and painful and genuinely unpleasant. Yeah, you’re basically fucked.
I’m currently at the mercy of all three symptoms, and have thus been attempting to alleviate my symptoms via most if not all of the following. Some of these have worked momentarily. I invite you to try them and if they work, well then won’t that be nice? And if they don’t, well, misery does love company. You and I should chat about how we’ve been suckered into this highly inconvenient emotion.
Without further ado, here’s 8 ways to avoid thinking about or completely stop missing someone:
1. Hang out with friends.
This is why friends exist. They are the main go-to persons in a crises. Whatever you do, don’t be alone. Being alone allows you enough time to make poor “I Miss You” choices, like sending inappropriate text messages, updating your Facebook status with enough mopey songs to cause the majority of people to “Hide” all your posts, and possibly huffing paint. Or maybe markers. Or white-out. Regardless, it’s not good to be alone with all those thoughts. Harness that energy into hanging out with people who might be able to relate. At the very least, you’ll think about Said-Missed-Individual a smidge less. Just a smidge.
2. Watch television/movies/Netflix.
But make sure it’s funny. I currently recommend Workaholics and Portlandia for your viewing pleasure. If you’re bummed about getting the shit end of the “I Miss You” stick, it’s probably best to go with comedies. You might, however, be a bit of a masochist like I am. If that’s the case, watch some really depressing shit. Dancer in the Dark is good for this. Biutiful is also on that list. Grey’s Anatomy is my personal guilty definitely-gonna-make-me-cry pleasure show. Seriously, you’ll know what works for you because your instincts will immediately guide you. Maybe you’re like me and you’ll have an enlightening moment watching Shannen Doherty tear Jason Lee a new asshole in Mall Rats, a moment that makes you realize you might not even need to miss what you thought you were missing in the first place.
3. Go for a drive (or a walk, train ride, etc).
If you’re lucky, you won’t run into massive traffic and you’ll get to enjoy a fair amount of pavement ahead of you. This is one of my preferred methods of dealing with heart ache of any kind. Get in the car, put on some good tunes, and zone out as the world passes you by. In fact, if the I-Miss-You-itis is that bad, I can even enjoy being stuck in traffic, watching snails and other slow maneuvering creatures dart past you while you wonder what it’s like to be that woman in the red mini van or that man in the black jag to your left. It’s like that REM video, “Everybody Hurts.” Or maybe it’s more like that Daria episode where they make fun of that video. Anyway, you should go drive. Or walk. Or take the bus. Or a train. Or just find a way to keep moving. Your emotions would love nothing better than to catch up with you the minute you finally decide to sit still. Don’t give them the chance!
4. Listen to music.
Every emotion we’ve ever felt or can ever feel can be sufficiently summed up in a song. Maybe you miss a place you’ve recently visited. There’s a song for that. Or a lady you left behind in those old country roads? A song for that too. Honestly, whether it’s your mother, your uncle’s dead husband, your best friend’s pet, or your old dance teacher that you miss, there is likely to be a song for it if you look hard enough. And when all else fails, listen to something happy and/or stupid and drag yourself out of the funk. Because let’s face it, there’s no use in feeling like crap for more than a few days at a time, if that. Moving right along…
5. Have a drink, or 2, or 20.
Most people probably don’t suggest jumping head first in to your vices. I suppose I’m not really seriously recommending it anyway. But if you’re anything like me, and realizing that many of you probably are, drowning your sorrows in a a few beers or whatever your poison might be isn’t so bad. I wouldn’t recommend anyone go on a heroine binge when they’re unable to see the person they want to see. That just seems a bit excessive. But you’re damn right if you guessed I’m on my 2nd beer of the night as I type this! It would be whiskey, but I let another friend finish my bottle since they were also missing someone. Which brings us back to my first piece of advice about hanging with friends. Misery loves company but miserable drunks certainly love each other way more.
6. Make a drastic change to your appearance. Cut (or dye) your hair. Get a tattoo and/or piercing. Gain or lose a few pounds. Get a nose job. Grow some new body hair. Develop a new use for your elbow. Brand your forehead. Make a change. I’ve basically done all of these in the past on several occasions. Alright, not all (I mean shit, this is obviously my natural nose), but I know that the cutting/dying of hair is a pretty common occurrence especially among girls coming out of recent relationships. I’m not sure what it is about the change of appearance that helps us cope with things, but it does. At the very least, it’s nice to have someone pamper you even a little bit (even if it’s at the Supercuts down the road). Anyway, use this opportunity to always get that tattoo of a unicorn on your butt that your ex never let you get cause they just didn’t see the beauty in it. Fuck it. You only live once. Might as well have fun with your appearance!
7. Clean house.
They say cleanliness is next to godliness. I personally don’t have any lofty dreams of being a god, so I usually don’t bother with this. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and if it comes down to it, I am not opposed to zoning out to alphabetizing my books, matching up my socks, or even occasionally doing a few dishes (maybe)! Sometimes what you need is a change of scenery (which brings me to tip #3) but this can also be internalized. Change your atmosphere. Your living space is important and the last thing you need is to be reminded of Mr. or Mrs. I’ll-Call-You-I-Swear or whomever else might be on your missing persons list. Take down the old Polaroids. Donate those old sweaters you stole from his closet. Get rid of those movie and concert tickets from all the times you spent together. Change the locks. Whatever. Change your situation, clean your house, swipe away the memories. In fact, fucking Swiffer the hell out of them.
8. Write a blog post. When all else fails, write a blog post. This is why we’re here as bloggers in the first place, ain’t it? Allow this inability to rest to fuel you with inspiration for writing or whatever other artistic pursuits you might have. Writing this has been semi-cathartic for me. Granted, I’ve looked over at my phone a number of times and wondered things that I shouldn’t wonder about. But at least this killed a good 30-40 minutes of this first day of missing someone. I’ll say that’s a bit of a win.
For now, it’s time for this little lady to take another long drive with plenty of music to hopefully distract her from that which she cannot have. Tomorrow is another day!